Show me don't tell me

 Show Don't Tell Exercise

“You can take for granted that people know more or less what a street, a shop, a beach, a sky, an oak tree look like. Tell them what makes this one different.”  – Neil Gaiman

Answering the news reporter questions--who, what, when, where, why, how--turns bland writing into active writing.

• Write the following sentence on the board: "Mr. Smith is celebrating."
• That leads you to ask the following questions:
  • Does this sentence paint a picture for the reader?
  • Does it leave questions in the reader's mind?
  • Does it answer the questions who, what, when, where, why, how?
  • How could it answer who, what, when, where, why, how and paint a picture for the reader?
• That should lead you to these questions:
  • Who is Mr. Smith?
  • What does he do when he celebrates?
  • When does he celebrate?
  • Where does he celebrate?
  • Why is he celebrating?
  • How is he celebrating?
  • 
    

Rewrite each of the following sentences below with one or more verbs that increase the visibility and/or the sound of the motion suggested.  Do NOT add any adjectives or adverbs!

1.  He sat down.

2.  The puppy had a fine time playing in the park.

3.  The wind made a loud noise.

4.  He left the room in a tremendous hurry.

5.  She put the papers in her purse.

6.  The garden tiller worked quite well on the hard, rocky soil.

7.  She seemed to be feeling very happy.

8.  The old man went slowly across the street.

9.  The dog lay down on the rug.

10.  The boy drank the lemonade very fast.

Read the following paragraph and consider the ways that it shows rather than tells, and how that could be changed.

The Mercer men’s baseball team played hard throughout the game, achieving a score of 5-2 against Salem. Pitcher Matt Smith was particularly strong during the game, facing several league top hitters without any hesitation and pitching a perfect third inning with no runs scored. Mercer fans in the stands showed excitement throughout the game.

Rewrite the paragraph above adding description that uses at least three of the five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste and touch). You may trim out text and change or add however you like, but you must keep all the key facts.

Now write a short news story as you would for The Doah, showing not telling, based on the information below. There are errors in this so don't just copy and paste but look at everything. Show don't tell how people may be feeling based on the interviewing you would be doing:

1. At first, it seemed like a wonderful idea! Your schools president learned the wife of the President of the United States was going to be in the area. He proceeded to invite her to deliver your schools commencement address for this spring's graduating class—and she accepted. Now, opposition is arising. About a week ago, a half-dozen senior women began circulating a petition opposing her delivering the commencement address and, thus far, more than 300 of their classmates have signed it. "To honor the First Lady as a commencement speaker," says the petition, "is to honor a woman who has gained recognition through the achievements of her husband, which contradicts what we have been taught over our years of study—that women should be honored for their achievements, not their husbands." The president of your institution has scheduled a meeting for late Friday to discuss the issue with members of the graduating class.

Check out this writer's blog about the "dull paragraph". It is a different perspective and, I think, helps to define what it means to think about the setting of a scene. 

For Thursday

Take one at newspapers or news sites and read all sections carefully. Write down what you think makes news. Don't think just about the specific event being reported. Think what it was about that event that made it newsworthy. In other words, don't say the President's news conference is newsworthy. Say political policy statements by influential people are newsworthy, because they have impact. Use the qualities of newsworthiness we reviewed last week. Now, take those ideas and think about how you localize it for your hometown paper or for The Doah. Think about who you might interview. We will start talking about interviews on Thursday. Also, in thinking about newsworthiness, focus and SMDTM write a news story based on the following information:

1. Five students on your campus, all members of a fraternity, Sigma Kappa Chi, have been arrested as the result of a hazing incident. The investigation began after one SKC pledge was hospitalized Saturday with serious internal injuries and another with a sprained back. Each of the five was charged with two counts of battery. The incident occurred during a fraternity meeting Friday at which members "beat pledges with wooden paddles and canes and subjected them to other forms of physical and verbal punishment," according to Detective Sgt. Albert Wei, who headed the investigation. One of the two injured students, sophomore Roland Dessaur, was hospitalized for kidney damage and dehydration. Another sophomore, Eddie Muldaur, was treated for a sprained back and bruised buttocks. State laws require hospital officials to report injuries that appear to be the result of a crime. Thus, hospital officials notified the police and, as the investigation continued, four other pledges were taken to the hospital and also examined, then released. Several suffered contusions, Wei said. A university spokesman said both university and national fraternity officials are investigating to determine what disciplinary action, if any, should be taken against the fraternity.